A Sunday in October

October is such a wonderful month. Two of my children were born in October. I get to travel to FL with my mom in October. The weather is lovely and the leaves are beautiful. But beyond that is the harsh reality that I haven't made anywhere near the dent in the credit card bill I had hoped from the May expenses. I'm already beginning to panic about the holidays. I didn't even begin to get the work done around the house I had hoped I would. And everywhere I look, someone wants more of my money. I can't get my head above water - well, that's not true. There was a brief, as in VERY brief, moment when I pulled money from Peter to pay Paul and it felt good. But my God, what happened since? Looks like the holidays will be one of good old fashioned creative spirit with handmade items and goodies. Boy that bright fall sunshine shows us more than just the streaked windows -- it's making reality a bit too up-close-and-personal.

Where has my life gone?

So I'm cleaning - basement, gardens, boxes, computer and I come across a bookmark to Lauren's blog from 2009 - which led me back to my blog from 2010 - EARLY 2010.

And I think, why did I stop doing this? It was soothing - a place to voice opinions, concerns, frustrations, happiness, blessings -- all without really having to ask for input or feedback. I came across a journal from when Gregg and I were engaged - written the old fashioned way -- and loved reading through what we experienced as we became engaged and planned for a wedding. It was actually quite fun.

I'm feeling a need to get myself organized -- part of me fears that a greater being is driving me to do this knowing that something is coming that will take over my life. I'm trying to organize cabinets, ridding myself of stuff I've held on to for years thinking I should hold on to that stuff. Perhaps a bit of guilt is playing into the "keeping". It was given to me by..... I kind of like it ..... I should keep it because....

As I uncovered scrapbooks and old greeting cards, I realized that some things are good to keep - it was fun to pull out the kids' scrapbooks (one for each kid) with their creative art projects from when they were young. Those were a reduction several years ago from the probably 15 scrapbooks of projects -- what remains is perfect.

When Michael graduated earlier this year, I created a photo book similar to what I had done for Lauren (real scrapbook) and Keith (electronic photo frame), with pics from birth to now. It was wonderful to relive the fun, the craziness, the traditions, the memories.

So, I move forward, sorting and cleaning and repacking and yes, throwing out, "treasures". I realize that most people have no idea what they may have given me in the past so my desire to keep it does not truly lie in the guilt. But it might just be in knowing that a gift from someone dear to my heart represents the fact that we had a connection in our lives. And those connections and memories are what make us who we are today and will be tomorrow.